Get a room!

I have been AWOL traveling for my day job.  I used to travel every week and I had it down to a science.  Living out of a suitcase gets old FAST and I decided to get a life and have a hobby or 10.  Innocently, I went to the airport checked my bags, donated a kidney and headed through security smooth as silk right?  UHHH, not so fast.  I went through the Jason Chaffetz nudie naked Boy's Life secret X-Ray scanner, swish slam and out the other side.  A TSA employee shook her head sadly and said, "ma'am, you have lots of loose squares", then the next thing I know a giant woman with gloves snapped and ready asks me if I want a private room.  Nah, how bad can it be?  She asked me to stand with my thighs not touching, (they haven't been that distant from each other since pre-puberty), and arms outstretched, palms to heaven.

After what seemed like an eternity of fondling she said I could go, no kiss, no flowers.  Next time I'll get a room.